how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
