the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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