You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
