At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
