I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
