do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
