She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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