Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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