This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
