He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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