Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm really busy with my period
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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