I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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