I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
