So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
