We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
