what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Randomize
