haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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