Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
