Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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