your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
