I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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