my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
