Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
