2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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