All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
