OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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