Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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