I think my fart just growled at me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
