Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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