In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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