After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
