one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm really busy with my period
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