Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
