when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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