This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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