You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
