What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
