i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
