youre lurking in front of me
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
