also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
