I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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