she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
