Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I look better un-naked...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
