Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
