This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
