it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
