awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
