the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
