He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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