"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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