I am in a vortex of obligation.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
