its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
