Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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