im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
