He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
