Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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